Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me: As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:
1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps
2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh,intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe
5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend,coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stayunder my toes if I tuck it there
6. If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck itback in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoefixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts
7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him
8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enoughto fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety,and the safety of others. No one can walk properly whenstanding in a pool of sweat, and I would hate totake someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworkerwhen she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals.Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've beendragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good
11. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure theyactually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walkingand I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearingthem
12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at leastonce per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15and worth EVERY penny) I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.And finally...
13. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandalsthat show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty whitesandals...
1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps
2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh,intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe
5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend,coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stayunder my toes if I tuck it there
6. If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck itback in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoefixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts
7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him
8. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enoughto fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety,and the safety of others. No one can walk properly whenstanding in a pool of sweat, and I would hate totake someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworkerwhen she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals.Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've beendragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good
11. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure theyactually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walkingand I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearingthem
12. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at leastonce per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15and worth EVERY penny) I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.And finally...
13. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandalsthat show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty whitesandals...
2 comments:
FUNNY!!!! So many people need to take that pledge or cut their feet off. Too funny. I am crying over here.
I'm perplexed as to where you obtained the picture of my feet. I'm also a little perturbed that you chose to use the picture without my permission.
-bear
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